This is a little poem given to me by a fellow adoptive parent. I love my girl so much and this explains most of my thoughts and feeling towards the many thoughts and questions directed my way throughout this entire process.....


Yes, I have adopted from foster care.

"Please...Don't assume that I could not become a parent in any other way- or wanted to become a parent in any other way. This was my choice and I am pleased with it.

Don't ask if I plan to have any "real" children. This one IS real: I have crayon marks on my wall, little muddy footprints on the carpet and lots of hugs and kisses to prove it.

Don't ask about her "real" parents. A real parent is there through thick and thin. I AM her real mother and will be for the rest of her life; she just wasn't born to me.

Don't ask why she was in foster care. Some people do very terrible things to children and Social Services must intervene. These details are private and for my child to share. If you are a medical professional, realize that she CAN hear and let me tell you some things out of ear shot.

Don't ever think she did something wrong to end up in foster care. She was a victim.

Don't ask if her birth parents were punished. If I know, I will only answer "yes, that they lost her".Don't feel sorry for her. SHe does not need your pity. Just treat her like any other kid.

Don't call her birth parents horrible. She may look just like one or have the personality of the other. I love my child and she came from them. I do not like what they did, but I am happy for what I have.

Don't tell me how lucky she is to have been adopted by me. I am the lucky one to have her.

Don't call me noble or kind since I have "taken her in". She is not a stray puppy or a charity case. I became a parent for the same reasons most other people do- I wanted a child.

Don't compare her progress to other children her age at this time. She did not have the best start. She is catching up and working hard. I have only had her a short time.

Don't jokingly ask if she will go home with you. Realize that she is actually afraid that you might take her away. Remember I was a stranger to her a year ago.

Don't ask about her baby pictures or toddler years. I don't have any pictures or memories. The only details I know of those years relate to her arrival in foster care.

Do congratulate me. The happiest day I've had is becoming her mother.

Do realize that we are a "REAL" family. My name is on her birth certificate and she is mine.

Do throw a baby shower if you want to. Yes, she's five, but she's my baby and I would like to celebrate.

Do listen to my stories about her. I am as proud of her progress as you are about your kids.

Do talk to her and treat her like every other kid.

Do talk to me and treat me like every other parent.

Don't tell me that you could never do what I've done.

Have you NEVER truly love ANYONE who was not blood related to you? Remember, a marriage is more important than the wedding and raising a child is more important than how she arrived."

- Jean Williams, proud mother.