Thursday, April 19, 2012

In whom shall I place my trust?

Sometimes, I wish I could just start things over. Go back to my junior year of high school and make better choices and choose different directions. Sadly, then I probably wouldn't have my wonderful husband or my beautiful two children. That just wouldn't work. I may enjoy getting to do it over but then I would regret having given up my wonderful family.

Sometimes I think I should go back to just a few years back...before I became a stay at home mom. Maybe I should have just given into the pressures and went against my beliefs. Things would surely be different today. That is for sure. Sadly, then I would have to live with knowing that I had done less than my best. That won't work either.

Sometimes, I regret ever moving to SC. We left family and got into severe debt by going out on our own. That really would not have worked though. I would not have met my beautiful LaMiracle. She is such a perfect fit into our small but perfect life. I cannot imagine having not met her. She is now a permanent part of my heart. Staying in MI would definitely not have worked.

Aren't these horrid thoughts anyway? That's just me. I am a horrible, sinful person and that why we are going through these struggles in the first place. The world is sinful, and we all have to face those consequences in some ways. Some less than others.

The good thing is that I have God on my side. I can pray those thoughts away. I can read my bible and know that God is good. I have no idea why He allows families to go through struggles, why He allows children to die, why He has allowed cancer to run rampant, why He leads us in ways that I cannot understand. I do, however, know that God allows all of these things for a very perfect reason. After all, He is perfect. I also understand that every trial makes us stronger and draws us closer to Him if we trust Him. I choose to trust Him.

In reality, I wouldn't take any of it back. I wouldn't, couldn't change even one thing about where we are today. God's plans are not my plans. He has given me, my whole family really, so much. We have our health, and we are together. This roller coaster of life is completely scary and mind boggling, but He gave me the BEST people to enjoy the ride with! They even let me scream once in awhile when I'm scared out of my mind....or just plain cranky.

Thank you Lord for my family. Thank you for all that You have given us. I'm so sorry for every being ungrateful.

"As for me and my house, We will serve the Lord" Joshua 24:16

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

Keep on Keeping on with God sister. I know that it is very hard when difficult times seem to never end, but as you said God's plan is perfect. I love you and am here when you need help or a shoulder.