life is hard...but worth it!

It's been a long week for the Splan clan. We all enjoyed getting back into our regular routine of work and daycare, but we ended up being quite tired every night. It's funny how easily your body forgets routine! JJ and Miracle are none worse for the wear though...in fact, as I sit and type at my computer both kids are running around the house happily. Mommy and Daddy are wiped out...but the kids act like they could go for another 24 hours:)

JJ is starting to come down with a cold so we plan to stay in for the weekend doing absolutely nothing. I had a not so fun trip to the dentist yesterday. It seems that I broke a tooth without realizing it and without proper care it now needs a root canal. Dental work is ridiculously expensive so I will probably just get it pulled. This is NOT my favorite alternative, though it is the cheapest!

This week has really made me think about how thankful I am for my children and their health. I work with special needs children and have to go through yearly training. This year, we had to do an extra training on handling seizures because we have several new kids with different kinds of issues that will be starting this year. I have taught in this area for almost four years now, and I do not go a day with out being reminded of how hard life must be for parents of special needs children. My second year, I had one of my students pass away. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. JJ had just been born, Miracle was four years old, and I was going to a funeral for a five year old. Hugging his mother, I felt so guilty. Guilty because my kids were OK. My kids were healthy. I couldn't even pretend to understand what she was going through, and she was younger than I was. The mother had the pastor read this very special poem about having a child with a disability.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”
“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandt's.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.

This poem sums it up all by itself. These parents may have quite a load, but they still love their kids and enjoy every moment spent with them. I praise God that my two are healthy, but I know in my heart that if God decides to give me a child with special needs I could handle it. After all, I have spent over 3 and 1/2 years seeing some wonderful examples of parents who would do anything for their kids...and have. Going through all of this training and having a glimpse of what these parents go through...has been enough for me this week! I don't find myself to be better than anyone else just because I teach special kids. In fact, at times I find myself wondering why God chose to put me in this profession at all! I am always thankful, however, that I get to be a special part in the lives of each of my students. They may not be able to experience life the way I do, but they get to experience it and its part of my job to help them experience it to the fullest.

OK getting back to what I started talking about (so sorry about that detour)---I am thankful for my children and their health. Need I say more??