A Mothers heart...

Babies cry. That is a statement of the obvious...I know. However, I have NEVER been good at handling a crying baby or child of any age. When my first niece was born, I was still in college. She was quite a fussy baby, and I remember very clearly how very badly her crying hurt me. I would go visit her often. Every time she would cry I would end up leaving the house to get away from the crying. I would stand in my sisters driveway and cry myself....I always feel so helpless when a baby cries. This intensified when JJ was born. He has always been a little bit spoiled because I cannot ignore his cries. Yes, I know that babies cry when they are mad. They cry to get what they want. They cry for no reason at all. However, despite my motherly instinct of knowing why my boy was crying...I could NEVER ignore it. I always have to pick him up and cuddle him once he reaches the point of crocodile tears whether they are forced or not. Of course, I am the same way with my Miracle girl. When she first came to live with us, she hated bathing. By saying she hated bathing is actually putting it quite lightly. She would scream before she even stepped a foot into the tub. A high, heart wrenching plea. "Please daddy...NO! Please daddy...." I tried to give her the baths at first but had to let daddy take over. I could not handle the anguish of those tears, and yet I knew she needed to get used to bathing. She did of course...and she now begs for a bath every night. Don't get me wrong---I can completely ignore a fake cry. Really, I can. Once a child starts to really cry though...with tears and all...it all goes downhill. This made the newborn months really hard for me. Dropping off my crying baby before work never did get easier....and still kills me every time.

I say all this to explain to you the newest hardship of my week. JJ has been crying, crying, crying. It might be because he is teething or because he is just over tired. It might be because daddy is working crazy hours and our routine is a little different. It could be because he doesn't feel well. I cannot figure it out. I have tried everything. He cried when I dropped him off at daycare this morning,which he rarely does anymore, and he cried for the pettiest things all evening. He is sleeping now, but my poor heart is still hurting for him. I wish I could read his little mind and know whats wrong with my baby. Poor Miracle is feeling quite neglected because JJ is hogging all of my attention...but really...its the crying!

Its funny how children never fully realize the love of their parents until they become one themselves. If only I had known how very much my mother hurt when I made bad choices. If only I had understood how deeply her heart was connected to my happiness. I might have been a better child....but I guess we would all say that. I can say this though...My children will always have my heart. They both have me wrapped around their little fingers as it is...and both JJ and Miracle's pitiful crying will always get my attention and leave me crying right along with them.